Jeannette: No Sound

Contributed by Jeannette

Content Warning: This is a space for survivors to share their testimonies. Consequently, there are some graphic depictions of childhood sexual abuse and sexual violence.

From age 2, I was not allowed to make a sound during the (sexual and psychological) abuse. No permission to tell my parents. And then after so many years of silence I told a psychiatrist what happened. He locked me up, restricted me on a bed and abused me 9 ½ months. I was punished when making a sound. And in psychiatry no one believed me. They punished me because I told the truth. Lessons I’ve learned; don’t talk, don’t make a sound, don’t trust people who asked about my life, I’m worthless, a liar, attention seeker, hysterical, incapable of anything, I have to do things by myself, don’t need help. My goal in life is to overcome those powerful inner voices and to make words again, to speak out, to trust myself and others and to teach health care workers what people like me need, why we act like we do, and how we can be freed.