Background

The Tale of an Ordinary Little Girl

Jacqui Dillon aged fiveOnce upon a time there was a little girl, just an ordinary little girl, who like all children is born with basic human needs – the need to be fed and to be kept warm and safe. Like all children, she needs love and empathy to thrive and to grow and to fulfill her potential, like all children deserve to.

But like each and every one of us born into this magnificent and mysterious universe, the arbitrary nature of who we are born to is a random act and like many children, far too many children in this world, she has the misfortune to be born to parents who are simply unable to provide the most basic necessities. For her parents are themselves hurt and broken children, thwarted and twisted, encased in all powerful adult bodies, masquerading as a mother and a father.

When the little girl first looks up into her mother’s eyes for a reflection of herself, to know that she is real and that she exists and that she is safe in this big, scary, world, she is met with a cold, hostile stare. For when mother looks down at this scrap of humanity, her baby girl, she does not see her beauty or her innocence but only her own helplessness, her own vulnerability, her own unmet needs and all of these things she despises and wants to smash, stamp out, annihilate. The baby wails in terror and reaches out her small hand to this woman, her mother, and the woman laughs and bites the baby’s hand, just as her own mother had done to her.

The mother throws the child across her shoulder and together they descend, deep into the underworld, to a place where unspeakable acts of horror will be committed. The underworld is inhabited with many demons, monsters and witches of the worst kind. The woman presents her possession, the child, to a man who can only be the devil. Together they laugh and they defile the child and rob her of her innocence.

The pain and the shock and the terror are too much for the child to bear for she is being betrayed and exploited by those who are meant to protect her and there is no escape, there is no saviour, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. All the while, the child repeats over and over to herself – I am not here; this is not happening to me; I am not in this body. When all at once the child experiences a tremendous pressure building inside her head as the urgent need to flee collides with the awful realisation of her own helplessness and then BANG! there is a huge explosion as her tiny mind shatters into a thousand, little pieces. She serenely floats off into the ether and calmly looks down from a great height at the stupid girl who is left screaming in the underworld. She pities the pathetic creature but she simply cannot be held responsible for those who refuse to help themselves.

The girl inhabits a dual world. In one, she is a normal child with normal parents, a gifted child who goes to school, plays with her friends, and likes wearing ribbons in her hair. In the other world, she is a dirty little bitch, evil and unlovable, treated with cruelty and contempt by anyone who can get their filthy hands on her.