Jenna Rai Miller: Mirrors of My Soul

Contributed by Jenna Rai Miller.

Content Warning: This is a space for survivors to share their testimonies. Consequently, there are some graphic depictions of childhood sexual abuse and sexual violence.

My experiences cry out
Like the mirrors of my soul
Hear me
See me
Pay attention to me

Wisdom repeats itself
Over and over again
Validating my truth
Until I am ready
To free myself
From this self-imposed bondage

Run no more
STOP
Awaken from this nightmare
That only I have the power to change
SPEAK
Utter the unspeakable truth

SEE
Take the blinders off
LOOK
Allowing the visions
Unfolding before me
Truth made visible

AWAKEN…
FEELING
GREIF
ANGER
PAIN
TERROR

Present yourself
Oh memories of the past
Vividly recalling
That which was forced into hiding
Tormented
Walking blindly through life

Stumbling
Running
Allowing others define me
Living a lie
In hopes of being accepted
Once INVISABLE
Unable to impact my world
Unable to live my truth
Aborting me
UNSURE
Who am I???

Like a chameleon
Changing colors
To protect myself
From predators
Raping me
Robbed of any dignity

Falsely believing
Other’s truths
Allowing them to define me
Seemingly powerless
Having to live the lies
Being dealt me

NUMB to myself
HUSHED
SILENCED by fear
CRIPPLED
SUFFOCATING
UNSEEN

NO MORE
The depths of my soul
Cries out
Screaming I am
Painfully muted
Me, in my frailty shattered

Though seemingly shattered…courageously
I crawl
Then stand up
Trying to walk
Fall
Picking myself up again, I stand

Allowing myself to step boldly
Breathe fully
Feel
Allowing the experiences
Vivid color
Where only darkness, blackness once existed
Allowing
Though terrified
I explore uncharted waters
Swimming gracefully
Through this maze
Finding my way to freedom

I may be clumsy
I won’t apologize
For being
For breathing
For speaking
Truth, like hidden treasure revealed

Freedom awaits me
Through expression
Owning all of me
That once was fragmented
To survive
I now embrace me…all of me

Passions of my soul
Bubble up
Visibly
Heard
Expressed
Power in being

I am hiding no more
My truth spoken boldly
No longer betraying self
Claiming my power
Claiming my truth
Emancipating me

© Jenna Rai Miller
June 19, 2017